Tuesday 26 January 2010

I appear to better have my head on as I leave home this morning, remembering both my property management company demand letter and to actually put my watch on.

Entering the station this morning I spot the younger Kym Marsh lookalike and we nearly bump into each other going through the door.

Once on the train later at Witham a fat arsed woman decides to squeeze into the seat next to me.  Not only does the squash make me feel uncomfortable but also there is the reality that she smells of fish food.  Dark times.  Eventually we get to London, by which time I am feeling morose.

Nothing happens between Liverpool Street and Baker Street and to be honest not much happens on the way to St Johns Wood either.  Currently things are eerily quiet and undemanding when it comes to public transport.  For this I must not complain.

The Girl is late in today as an accident at Chelsea Bridge occurs and holds her up.  The next time she gets in touch she is lost and travelling past Green Park not knowing where she is.  This reminds me of the Griswolds driving around London in National Lampoon’s European Vacation and how they eventually get stuck on a roundabout at Buckingham Palace.  Am I right in thinking that they don’t have roundabouts in America?

I don’t feel as busy as I should be at the moment and as a result I am finding myself sleepwalking through days and tasks.  This cannot be good for anybody.

My day takes an interesting turn when out of boredom and desperation I attempt to register with eHarmony only to be faced with the result:

“Unable To Match You At This Time

eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive research with married couples.  One of the requirements for successful matching is that participants fall within certain defined profiles.  If we find that we will not be able to match a user using these profiles, we feel it is only fair to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish happy, lasting relationships that we sometimes choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you.  Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched.  This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service.  We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

You can still receive your free Personality Profile by clicking.”

Ouch, what does this mean?  I’m not even allowed in the door?  To say that this is something of a knock to my self esteem would be an understatement.  Just how fucking mental am I?  Yikes, I feel I should have a second opinion off the back of this cod psychological profiling they have performed on me.  For a commercial organisation it really does not seem like sound or solid procedure to stop people at the doors.  Was it because I was wearing trainers when I tried to get in?  Have I just been told to “chuff off” by the cyber equivalent of a sour doorman bouncer?

I really should let this go but I just cannot.  Absolutely nowhere at the beginning did it tell me that the website and organisation was so exclusive, so picky, so sniffy and so snobby.  If I want to go somewhere to be rejected by people with brooms up their arses I will go to the numerous pubs and clubs in our town centres on a Friday and Saturday night.  Just how fucking fickle is this website?  For a website that is built on such a flimsy premise of bringing people together as its number one intention (when in reality it is about profiting on the sad and lonely) it really is offensive.  Harmony?  My arse.

Hmm, I guess with those last few paragraphs I now see why they refused me entry.  Still, such hypocrisy is unforgivable.  This world is so cold, so cruel at times.

Beyond this the day pans out OK.  In the afternoon The Girl gets horny and annoying, seemingly intent on getting me with the “Posted” stamp.  Do I really lack such authority?

Eventually 5.30PM comes around and I get to go home to Essex where I have to work on Nicole’s uni paper again.

Once back in Colchester tonight I stop by Asda to buy some Jagermeister, green tea and Krave cereal (can’t get enough of that Krave).  Unable to find the green tea I leave the store with booze and chocolate cereal.  Great success.

As soon as I get back home I unfortunately begin to wilt and as a result I struggle to get into the work ahead of me (which tonight is reviewing the most recent Easyjet accounts).

With view to picking and perking up I make a DIY Jagerbomb using cheap Sainsburys energy drink Bolt.  It half works (but this also means it half fails).

In the end I manage to scrape out some notes on Easyjet as The Daily Show and then Celebrity Big Brother play out in the background both thankfully failing to distract me at this time.  How come I suddenly have focus?  Is it the booze?

Afterwards I look at the notes I have scraped off and unfortunately its not strong stuff.  There is no way I can justify getting paid £100 for this stuff.

My self set 10PM curfew soon arrives and I stay up/awake for this week’s Newswipe which again is very good (very strong) with nice bits by Tim Key and Doug Stanhope.  Beyond this however I just turn in and head to bed running, mentally tumbling along the way.