Sunday 15 November 2009

This morning I wake up lacking the euphoria of yesterday.

Uninterested in proceedings I decide to catch up on watching last week’s SNL, Curb and Californication.  When I am done it is not even 10AM so as a personal bonus to myself I watch another episode of Eastbound And Down.  The world needs more people like Kenny Powers.

When I finally murmur outside I notice that it is a surprisingly sunny day, not that I possess the urge or desire to go out into it.

Instead I tear into writing.

After a good push at it, some Disney baseball movie called The Rookie arrives on my screen so I decide to have a break and watch it.  It stars Dennis Quaid and Brian Cox.  It turns out to be one of the most pointless movies in history.

Once back in the land of the living I resume writing until after accomplishing a batch I reward myself with an episode of 30 Rock.  I really need a girlfriend.

With 3PM approaching the routine grabs me and I head over to the parents’ gaff for Sunday lunch.  Again I proceed to waste the afternoon attempting to repair their PC and get it back online.  I really have no idea what has been done to it.  Eventually I wind up on the phone to help lines in India yet again.  To his credit the AOL guy is surprisingly helpful, unlike the prick on the Talk Talk helpline, a line I can barely hear anyway.  This service only screams the amount of contempt these companies hold for their customers provided it saves them a penny.  With the AOL guy though I do feel I begin to get somewhere with it but unfortunately by this point I have deleted too many problems and caused some kind seemingly irrecoverable problem myself.

While this is all going on elsewhere on TV the game on Sky is Southampton v Brighton, which is as a stimulating game as you would imagine although it does surprisingly see Brighton win 3-1.  I could care less.

Afterwards I resume slogging away at the computer but as my efforts lead to low returns I find myself more than happy to indulge back in TV and the Harry Hill repeat instead.

Eventually after a lacklustre episode of The Simpsons featuring Norwegian immigrants I head home.  It is strange seeing Norway on TV again and as ever it serves to remind me of Line Larsen (Larselin) and the coolest female I never met.  I still worry about what became of her; she genuinely disappeared off the face of the earth as far as I can tell.  You can usually tell when people give you the brush off online as they maintain some kind of online existence on one social networking site or blog or other but she just disappeared.  Maybe I should send another email out to her into the ether.

When I get home tonight it is key that I bother to shave, I look a true mess at the moment.  Who will fuck me when I am in a state such as this?  Nobody.

Impressively for a Sunday night I am firing on all cylinders and able to actually get some writing done while Flags Of Our Fathers kicks off in the background but fails to distract me away from what I am beginning to feel is like a never-ending task.

Eventually I head towards bed but briefly I skim the internet making the mistake of visiting my American Friend’s blog coming across the sight of The Teeth looking like a fucking idiot as he says “candyfloss.”  This then comes from the strangest Facebook status update I have ever read as it is some kind of return topic detailing a concerned mother witnessing some Eastern European ladies attempting to shave a little girl’s head in Asda with view of abducting her:

“WARNING* IF U GO TO ASDA WITH UR KIDS, DONT LET THEM WANDER OFF OR GO TO THE TOILET ON THEIR OWN!!! MY FRIENDS MATE IS A SECURITY GUARD AND PHONED HER UP TELLING HER THAT 2 FOREIGN WOMEN WERE CAUGHT IN THE TOILETS YESTERDAY, SHAVING A LITTLE GIRLS HAIR OFF AND DRESSING HER IN BOYS CLOTHES TRYING TO KIDNAP HER, THIS ALSO HAPPENED IN MORRISONS IN WITHAM ON WEDNESWDAY!!! PLEASE COPY THIS AND POST IT AS UR STATUS-“ O HAPPENED IN MORRISONS IN WITHAM ON WEDNESWDAY!!! PLEASE COPY THIS AND POST IT AS UR STATUS-O HAPPENED IN MORRISONS IN WITHAM ON WEDNESWDAY!!! PLEASE COPY THIS AND POST IT AS UR STATUS-O HAPPENED IN MORRISONS IN WITHAM ON WEDNESWDAY!!! PLEASE COPY THIS AND POST IT AS UR STATUS-

Does this stuff really happen?  I can’t help but feel this is the kind of story that is destined for the Daily Mail sooner or later this week.

I begin to wonder if the entire world has fucking lost it.  How weird is this guy in the first place and then my friend’s apparent obsession for her?  And just how shirty do people get sometimes when someone strikes the fear of god in them when it comes in relation to their most valued items (often their children).  This piece of gossip, for that is what it is, reminds me of how the network of mothers waiting at the school gates would have their own little daily social groups fuelling similar sorts of stories and winding each other up.  Now sadly it looks like many of my peers are repeating what their parents used to do, only via/through a modern medium.  Knowing that I am better than these people I just resume looking for free porno video clips to download.

Before passing out I come across Miranda on BBC2 which is fun and almost identical to the radio show version of the programme that used to play in that now much missed Saturday 1PM comedy hour that used to be on Radio 2.  I then fall asleep.