Thursday 31 December 2009 – NEW YEARS EVE

Dream: I am in Starbucks and when I get to the counter I order/request an eggnog latte.  From behind the counter the guy serving me tells me that they haven’t done that drink in a long while and he begins verbally scolding for my choice and option.  I decide not to have coffee.  Elsewhere in the dream I find myself crossing paths with the fat guy I took photos of on the train.  More so than ever I feel I represent this guy and as it appears that we are bumping into each other at an event that is possibly new years suddenly there is some kind of urgency attached to my self-improvement and desire to avoid becoming this guy.  Elsewhere I wind up in a shop and find myself indulging in the DVDs that are on sale, all cheap at one pound each.  They generally are titles that I will eventually have no time to watch/view but they are cheap and on the whole they are good and as a result will enhance my DVD collection.  The fact that there is no real point in buying them fails to occur to me, there is just a thrill in their purchase.  As I spot more and more classic titles posing as bargains I begin to implore people around me to snap them up but once again I find myself being castigated over my choices.

Today I awaken with a headache.  Once again my own laziness has meant I did not bother to prevent this happening last night when the headache was already coming on and I knew that this was going to happen this morning.  I need to get well, I have major plans and lots of things to get done today before the year ends and passes away without any sense of achievement.

I manage to waste the early part of my new years eve by first watching a documentary about Alexei Sayle riding trains across Syria followed by the Julia Sawalha episode of Who Do You Think You Are?  Never accuse me of watching television that dumbs a person down, no I watch TV that serves to make a person prematurely old.

In between I also polish off the final episode of season 2 of In Treatment, which again provides an equally uninspiring close to the series.

As midday fast arrives my feeble migraine remains and with a worry towards the progress of my day.  I toy with the idea of heading out in the hope of kickstarting my existence but I really don’t feel I have anywhere to be at this time.  The reality is that the atmosphere of my parents place is not one to bolster as the pair of them appear to be truly at odds with each other this year.  The concept of getting a Starbucks in town appeals and the fresh air would truly kick my headache into touch but the idea of getting dressed and cleaned sadly feels a bridge too far at these times.  Am I being lazy?

With no real heart for writing today due to my bad head I scour the avi files on my PC looking for something to watch and wind up with some old Jonathan Ross documentary about Japanese movies.  It turns out to be more entertaining than one would imagine.  Now if only I could be bothered to read the subtitles of the actual movies themselves.

Feeling tired and down eventually I head to bed for an afternoon snooze when really the normal, well adjusted world are getting prepared for their New Years Eve night out.

When I finally re-emerge my head is feeling somewhat better and from here I put in a very good shift/session and write conclusively until 9PM.  Truly life in the fast lane.

I break in order to listen to the radio and specifically Radio Five where Helen and Olly from Answer Me This! are playing out their guide to the internet this year (Web 2009 With Helen And Olly).  These two sound absolute naturals as the show turns out far better than I had been expecting.  David Schneider wins the honour of Twitterer of the year and generally the whole occasion is all shits and giggles.

After this I wind up watching Family Guy on BBC3 as the witching hour and new year begin to loom.  When the time finally arrives I end up watching Myleene Klass walking amongst the proles along the Thames, those fools happy to hold their bladder and freeze.  New Years is like the anti holiday these days, you appear to need to be a fucking idiot to really jump into festivities with both feet and full heart.

The new year turns and with it more self-analysis and introspection.  I often come back to the Damon Runyon version of events of how where you at the time says a lot of how and where you will be come this time next year.  In a way this hogwash but in another it does add and lend weight to the moment, one that should not be spent or wasted lightly just as I am now for the third year running.  I would like to think that this time next year I will be amongst people once again but I think that was part of my hopes and wishes for this year.

Unfortunately I feel 2009 will go down as the year that I gave up on people, gave up on certain hopes that I had from friends and individuals.

Then midnight strikes.

With 2010 in place I settle down to sleep and prepare for a new year ahead.  On ITV they are showing Midnight Run in rather cheeky fashion.  I remember ten years ago at the turn of the millennium when BBC2 showed The Book Of Life by Hal Hartley at this time.  How things have dumbed down.  That is not to say this isn’t a good film but surely there is something better out there.

My sleep finds itself interrupted a couple of times as a couple of new years messages trickle in but nothing overly substantial.

Be kind in 2010.